1906, July 4th
I keep remembering how, when I was a small boy I heard pastor Conwell for the first time on stage, his charisma and ambition shone through that rainy summer day. I can hear his voice clear as day:
“Get rich, young man, for money is power and power ought to be in the hands of good people. I say you have no right to be poor.”
(This) years program lacks the vigor and honesty which I had witnessed way back then. As years go by, I believe them more and more. I am powerless because I am poor. This industry, with its pizazz and low rates, is a struggle, but I know if I work hard enough, I will become that rich, young man pastor Conwell wanted us all to become. I just need to be patient. And smart.
1909, November 7th
Lady luck is on my side! I am ecstatic to share that (I) will be traveling across the windy waters to Europe with the circuit for a two week cultural exchange festival in Copenhagen. The Danes were so graciously generous as to finance our travel fares and expenses. A perfect occasion to present “Cradled by the swinging spheres”. My other acts have already garnered the attention of audiences all around the Americas, yet I remain hesitant. Presenting this act here might lead to a public outcry. I need to be careful. This technique is still quite frowned upon by the Church, although it’s only the radicals who are up in arms about it. Is it still worth the risk to try it out in Europe? Maybe I’m safer there…
1910, January 25th
Money has been a bit low these months, even though I get gigs, they do not pay well. I am considering taking a factory position, yet that would feel like a defeat. I started eating porridge once per day, and that has helped me stay afloat with my rent. But I do not know how long I can keep up like this. There (is) so much time until our trip, and I cannot loose my pristine image now. I am a starving artist, but soon I will be a rich (man). I can feel it. Recognition abroad will garner me the riches I deserve.
1910, January 31st
I think it’s decided, I’ll take the job. It won’t intervene with my art, as long as I am vigilant. I can’t get myself involved too much. My dear friends from the circuit, some of them are already hooked. (Note: We are not sure what kind of job this person is talking about. We think it might be a late-night singing gig, as a lot of artists back then had several talents). They don’t tell me, but I can see it in their eyes. And lips, they’re always so dry. I don’t want to end up like them. It’s only for a couple of months. It won’t surmount to anything. I hope.
1910, May 26th
I’m having second thoughts. I know it’s not my fault. But I can’t help but wonder. Doubt myself. Really belive that it was me. The pills. (It’s) the pills. I need to go to sleep.
1910, August 1st
Third day aboard the SS Accrington. I have not felt sea sick, though it has not been too long that we are at sea. One would think that the slight lullaby of the moving vessel would help me sleep at night, but that has not been true. I lay awake, wondering if this is how (?) he felt. I know I was just trying things out, and I did warn them, but it is unfortunate how things ended. Will he ever forgive me? No news from that side of town, I wonder if I will be able to tell them it (was) all just coincidence…Poor girl…
1910, August 2nd
I can feel the sea sickness kick in. And the waves are becoming more and more prominent.
1910, August 13th
Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.
1910, August 24th
Soul of Christ, sanctify me, Body of Christ, save me, Blood of Christ, inebriate me, Water from the side of Christ, wash me, Passion of Christ, strengthen me, O good Jesus, hear me. Hide me within your wounds, keep me close to you, defend me from the evil enemy, call me at the hour of my death, and bid me to come to you, to praise you with your saints, forever and ever. Amen.
1910, August 27th
Dear Lord, I do not know what will happen to me today — I only know that nothing will happen that was not foreseen by you and directed to my greater good from all eternity. I adore your holy and unfathomable plans, and submit to them with all my heart for love of you, the pope, and the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Amen.
1910, September 7th
We have landed on shore. The weather is brisk, yet warm. We’re only here for a couple of days, but I am too weak to go sightseeing. I have not lifted myself out of bed, my head still spins lightly. What an absolute shame.
1910, September 20th
The ship ride to Denmark was a comfortable one, compared to the roaring seas of the Atlantic.
1910, September 31st
Big show tomorrow!